When love starts

When love starts – friendship ends.
I think u all know this saying. From now on i want to change this in 
                      When Mariage ( arranged) starts – all  the friendship with the opposit sex stops.
As U all know i have a lot of sri lankan and Indian friends.
and these last months  im confronted with a lot of so called  LAST MAILS. ( I invented this word haha)
Mails like  
ohhhh  i cant stay in contact with u coz my fiance would not accept  friendship with another female. Ohhhh  ..
It seems that even when he  turns his head, when he sees another woman she will cut off his balls   
 ( sorry for the  sex words)
and he will be in serieus trouble.
and then i start to think, what is the meaning of this?  im still thinking Denkend  Cant find  a reason.
but i feel sorry  coz friendships of so many years …….. gone.Verwelkte roos
It might  have to do with culture …is it???  hmmmm must be..But   but  but..
i will ask my female friends now 
Is it allowed to have male friends  after marriage??? I mean  not sexual of course…but  just friends…???????????
The ones u share ur joy and sorrow with?? 




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25 Responses to When love starts

  1. DANA says:

    I think as much as we try to be able to just be friends with the opposite sex, it usually is very difficult. Men and women are hard wired in a different way. I have had male friends but when I started shared deep personal things with a man other than my husband, I noticed I would look to that man when I needed support instead of relying on my husband. Women as you know feel close to a man when he sees to their emotional well being first, physical second, men feel close to a woman when she sees to his physical needs first, emotional second.
    So you can see how a woman thinking this man is a friend to her because she can talk to him and feel close in that way and the man naturally thinking, I would like to be physical with her.
    A woman is thinking, I really like this guy, I feel so close to this guy, he understands me… then the next thing you know you’re in trouble. If  a man is saying " I can’t be a friend with you and be married." He’s saying " You tempt me and I need to avoid that and be faithful with my wife." It’s being honest and may seem hurtful but you have to respect that.
    I have learned to be blunt with my husband, I tell him to step up when I’m needing support and I keep the friendship with men on a very superficial level. I don’t share personally with another man because I need that closeness to be with my husband to make sure my marriage survives. Is this making sense? 

  2. sara says:

    i am sorry..but i think so…in italy there many different between the north and the south,as u know i am of the north and my boyfriend of the south , so if i know that i can hurt him if i’ll have friend "man", i prefer don’t have friend man.’cause i love him.he’s got another mentality and i respect it.i can say that i don’ need to have friends men,and i am happy that he’s gelous about me!i thinked like u  before i met my boyfriend, but when i love…be happy that ur friend have explain the situation with education, and that your friend don’t have close the door without a reason, this friend have respect ur friendship..be in peace!a big hug

  3. Isabelle says:

    My best friend is a MARRIED MALE!! I must admit that we used to have hours of conversation over the phone and emails but then he got married. The phone conversation are deffinitely less than they used to be BUT we know that we are friend!
    According to my experience true friendship with the opposite sex is hazarduous and rarely do they stay on a friendly level with guys.
    I had one very close male friend, then one day he gave me some very expensive chocolate! But mentioned it was total friendship-wise (I too invent words)! HA! It was not. a few days later he got very mean to me over the phone.
    Later did I understood why he had been so mean. But I was too angry to even try to talk to him.
    To my opinion lucky are the ones that can find true friends from the opposite sex and on a long time.
    I understand your pain and sorrow but you know…it is things that happens…

  4. Princess says:

    Yo Sweeti! ooh a toughie! Well I do have male friends, friends from work etc, that I can talk about anything with, I wudna be meeting up with them 4 say a drink on my own without hubs tho..I think it’s a fine line. I do have a space friends on here that I chat 2 & there’s no probs there! I suppose u have 2 think of it the other way around! How wud u feel if ur hubs had a really good female friend, that he wanted 2 go out 4 drinks with, chatted 4 hours on the phone with ..wud u mind?! I certainly wudna give up my male friends totally tho, it just means u don’t see them as freely as u wud a female friend. Big Hugs 2u, luv PF XXX

  5. anonaymous says:

    Thank you for honouring me with your kind coment.
    I have no idea as to why it happens but yes, its with the posessive spouses, even women are that way and men, some are very posessive!
    now its funny but this is a world with all kind of people!

  6. charming says:

    Dear Sweeti,Very complicated question to answer..but i will try…Ok… in our culture most important thing is the family.. they will do any sacrifice to keep the family together… when a person married male or female they will listen to their spouse and try to build up the relationship…if one day my husband asked me to cut off friendships with my opposite sex friends i will definitely do it to secure my family life…And to be frank I will get hurt if my husband had over whelming friendships with the other women opppppppps.. this is the jealous and pocessing personal in our real self… We all are human beings and when it comes to love we are very mean and selfish…on the other hand when you try to be too much of control, the other person will definitly get fed up with you and leave you oneday.. But I believe the best thing is the middle path without goint to any extreams.. to respect your other halfs feelings and win his heart and turst..When we done this the other half will also respect your feelings

  7. ₪Μy§TẲfiЄĐ₪ says:

    Hi Sweeti
    I’ll answer the question as well
    but..no cutting them off..ok lol
    I think it’s good and also very healthy to have friends of the same sex
    and also the opposite sex.
    I think that not having a friend because of their gender
    is discrimination
    Sweeti..you’d be surprised but..a lot of lady friends that I have here in spaces
    will not reply to me in "comments" at my space
    they will either send me a message to say Hi! or thanks!
    or…at times..reply to me in my guestbook
    And…I don’t understand that…I think it’s silly…aren’t we all …friends?
    This is a good entry sweeti
    I also hope you’re having a good weekend!
    Garry xox
    p.s. Little Boy is a Siamese and yes…cats are very special 🙂

  8. charming says:

    My dearM,Even one day my husband cannot stop our friendship.I agree. Sometimes without a real reason we tend to reserve our selves. Love and hugsCha

  9. sara says:

    i wish u good vacation;if u can’t go in srilanka,and u like travel,i give u an advice:why don’t u change continent?australia or south america.world is fantastic and it’s a pleasure meet and know different culture.try it!have a good sunday!

  10. Jorge says:

    I have always valued my friends and friendship, and have had (and still do) a number of women friends through out my life. I found that after I was married and no longer potentially "available" a number of those women have disappeared, but others have stayed. At first, my wife was uncomfortable with some of these women, but after she saw that from my perspective, the relationships were in fact all about friendship, and as she grew more secure in our own relationship, she accepts my women friends just as I accept her male ones. We both trust each other and knew each other well enough to understand that the other person would never betray that trust. Having said this, I can see that our kind of relationship and attitude is very rare in the world. However, there is nothing worse than being with a posessive jealous person, male or female, who sees every person of the opposite sex as a threat, and who is so insecure that they accuse you of being unfaithful if you so much as talk to someone else. Good luck, and be well,

  11. sara says:

    gooodmorning!BALI?!fantastic destnation and take relax ok?!and enjoy the beautiful sea in bali!
    hugs from the north-rainy-italy..in the south today there are 37°-38°!!in the full of summer again!i don’t wanna thinked!!!how can them rexist?and it’s humid too there!!
    i love rain..i can say it!!

  12. dying2die says:

    hi there sweeti
    well well well ..
    frankly speaking i seldom have any friends of the opposite sex and yes definitely you find the jealousy element in most peopls for their spouse. I remember my x husband to have asked me to cut off with my internet friends and i had did it. and asked him to also cut away from females in return… LOL ….
    well nothing is one sideed.. though we had very good understanding yet he was posessive about me, though i hardly spoke to any1,
    Another thing is that, i have only one very good friend who is a guy, and we r like very good frnds, but he also says that his wife would b jealous of our friendship so its btr we reduce our talks once any1 of us is married or engaged.
    its natural actually, your spouse expects to be your best friend,, and wants to be trusted wiuth everything…
    well im not posessive but yes, i would want my spouse to be my only and closest friend, and mayb put the whole world behind.. lol..
    crazy right!!!
    be well

  13. Isabel says:

    Hello Sweeti!
    I am sorry for my late reply!!!
    I am doin fine…but terribly busy….
    I am not online for long and will continue like that during September…
    I am in touch with some friends via email as i still open my mails.
    Yesterday I manage to take some time and update my space.
    You know I started to go out and as it is Summer I spend more time with friends here.
    Most of the time I am not even at home!
    And…somethings changed in my life too 😉 I am realy happy!
    Anyway I always think of all my online friends that I dont want to loose!
    I hope you are doin fine too.
    Much…much love from Isa

  14. deepu says:

    heyyy it worked…bingo!!!
    so after several hit & go, i hav finally hit the spot…. hehe
    eii how u doing (here)?
    missed out a lot of stuff over here…u got a cat ha? umm
    i thought friendhsip sores beyound the barriers of gender!!

  15. Marilena says:

    Well that’s a good question. I think that if you have an honest friendship with a member of the opposite sex it’s hard to leave that behind even if you get married. And the fact is you shouldn’t. But sometimes you need to do it if your significant other has a problem with that friendship. Sometimes you just have to choose. But in my opinion, you shouldn’t have to.

  16. Ajay Kumar says:

    Hi Sweeti,The main reason behind this is ‘insecurity’ and lack of ‘trust’. In eastern part of the world, people still discriminate on the basis of gender. Its very sad that even in this global village era, some men still see women as a sex or birth machine. But let me tell you one thing, If the friendship is troubling the married life, its always better (actually the best) to say good bye to friendship.Actually you have raised a very  complicated question. All I can say is there is nothing wrong in maintaining a healthy friendship with anybody, even after the marriage. Gender discrimination in friendship is a strict NO-NO.    

  17. ღ_BabyEvelyne says:

    Heey’kes Marijke ! X
    hoe gaat ‘t er mee?
    Hehe, da’s fijn da je haar ook graag hoort 😉 Doet me plezier dat ‘k altijd zoveel positieve reacties krijg over m’n blogjes.
    Ja, ik kan nog uploaden. Da’s idd wel raar wat je daar zegt. ‘k Begrijp ‘t niet al te goed, hoe dat mogelijk is…
    Ah oei, is daar oorlog ofzo in Sri Lanka? Srry ben daar niet van op de hoogte. ‘k Hoop dat je dat land ooit eens kunt bezoeken, want ‘k vermoed dat je hartje daar wel ergens zit.
    M’n weekend was nogal verwarrend. Had ‘t wat moeilijk, maar nu begint alles weer goed te lopen 🙂
    Dikke Knuff & x-x-x-jes

  18. sillygloop says:

    Culture can set precedents but then it’s the individuals and their comfort level which decides such relationships. A marriage between two trusting souls will find friendships surviving and thriving. If there’s no trust, keeping off other relationships gives them some time to build much needed trust before they bring back earlier relationships into their lives.

  19. charming says:

    Hey SweetiGot an idea.  What about making the wife of the guys our good friends??????????LolCha

  20. Michiko's says:

    Well! this is not easy one to comment in here.. I think it mostly protect yourselves? it naturally to a little Jealousy to opposite friends?
    If you have CONFIDENT yourself ..I can’t seeing why not keep your an old friends?
    I think that totally an individual things? Why you loose your friends after you got married? it’s an insanity….
    You are talking about ONLY for an asian countries ..may be their customs? 
    Have a peaceful day,

  21. Trouble says:

    Yes, absolutely! I am still in touch with my friends who are males. It’s true that some husbands do object to their wives’ male friends and vice versa. Maybe a feeling of insecurity induces this feeling. But then, a relationship requires you to trust each other and if it is there, the gender of your friends will never matter! 🙂

  22. Princess says:

    hi sweeti,its absolutely harmless and even better when the other half knows the nature of the relationship.-Aiz.

  23. 小西 says:


  24. Arctic says:

    you set a fire here, and  so heatly discussed. hahaha!

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