Days to remember…She is not with us anymore.
I wrote this in april 2006. I often come back to read, do i open wounds by doing this?
I let my mom go……
This morning i was cleaning the veranda…….U know a lot of windows to clean … and I put some flowers on the table..With the doors open the wind was playing with the windchime.The windchime is a professional one which is used in hospitals and houses for mental disturbed kids….It makes a special sound to activate the patients.
Well with the sound…. my mom came back in my mind…Such a windchime used to hang on her bed
My mom had Alzheimer.. She stayed in the nursing house where I work…so i could visit her every day….
The first years there was still a lil bit connection……..she changed our names…..she wanted to leave…
she was not happy…..Its a sad situation I can tell u that. After some time Probs with eating…..probs with walking …and things like that….she did not recognize none of her kids ( i have 1 bro and 1 sis.)
One day the nurses told me my mom had to stay in bed.dr.decided it was better to let her in her bed
and at that time … I had the idea she could not see me anymore.Coz her eyes were focused just @ one point.My mom had blue eyes As blue as a summer sky.During my break i gave her somethng to drink
its was like astronauts drinks ( 100 cc with everything in it) I talked with my mom as I talked with my cat(Dont get me wrong) I did not expect an answer
This situation lasted for 5 years. Imagine i knew how long this situation would last i dont think i could handle.
And than the nurses hang such a wind chime on the rail of her bed.So ….with the sound of the windchime they thought to activate her attention….But…..in vain…..
At the end the only communication I had was … touching….the only way to let her know I was there.
and i always felt …..she knew i was there… Touching her cheeck….grab her hands…..When im writing this im crying again….Well all these years if i could save my tears …. I think i cried an ocean
He friends I hope u never have to deal with such things…….Its awefulll…But we cannot choose in life
at the end my mom died …..it was a kind or relief….Yeah…..My mom died U might ask urself A RELIEF
what awefull to say…….!!! Well i admit i was relieved Not for myself but for her…..
I know she did not want this kind of life….her dying lasted years …..
EVERY DAY A LIL BIT
Days like this …..remembering helps me to give this part of my life a place Let the soul fly….